Feminine power both in men and in women needs to be soft in order to be effective. Men return to their fathers to effectively harness and direct their feminine energy, its from their fathers they learn how to be powerful in connection. Women return to their mothers from whom they learn how to be wise and courageous women. So it is by healing our father and mother's wounds that we learn. By accepting their guidance and if needed consciously choosing differently we become whole again, as we were meant to be: connected & powerful human beings.
It took me a long time to reconnect to my feminine side. I preferred my masculine action & control side. It was not safe to return to my mother. By being afraid of loosing myself in her again, I actually lost connection with my feelings and intuitive feminine energy. They were locked, deep down inside. But how can I be in relationship if only half of me was there? Each time I would loose myself in coming closer to someone. There was a space inside of me that I did not know nor trust.
So my relationships where either dreamy projections or overly suppressive. As I did not know to hold my space, I preferred to be a dreamy romantic and stay safe. This way of relating influenced all my relations: friends, lovers and colleagues. I used all my power to create and manifest, and was pretty successful at it. Yet this approach took a lot of energy and when achieved a new plan had to be manifested to stay secure. There was no peace, no connection, no real joy, no pleasure allowed. I had to keep moving without ease or elegance. I surely was not in a state of flow.
Horses and Bedouins brought me back to life. There was no way I could move them the way I wanted if I was not in connection with them. Bedouins not, as a woman by definition is not leading by control. Horses can only accept leadership when we are present with them. And to be present, one has to be in touch with ones feelings, needs and wishes. Through my art & horses I learned how to express myself in authentic way in order to survive and be safe....in myself and in the world.
Now, after 10 years, this practice of getting in touch with my feminine side and balancing it with my strong masculine energy is coming to fruition. The vaste no-mans land between my inner world and outer world has pretty much disappeared. Synchronicity, instant manifestation, expressions of love are ongoing experiences. I feel myself expanding and holding my space in connection with the world around me. With trust and courage I am embodying my truth in a state of flow.
If you like to learn more on how I achieved this with the help of my horses, do get in touch for a coaching session with horses (also online) or for upcoming retreats in Wadi Rum, Jordan.